she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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