god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
