Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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