I'm jealous of your bromance
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
