saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
