So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
