Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
false alarm, still single
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize