we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
