I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
