jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
