Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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