i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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