We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize