Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize