Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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