Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
