Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
