Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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