Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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