Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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