Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
