dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
