I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize