I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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