DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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