last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
