i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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