I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I had to cum in my sink.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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