Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
