We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
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