There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
