If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can't put those talents on a resume
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
