My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize