do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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