I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
