There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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