I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
