I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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