Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
