yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
