If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
