Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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