I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
