did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
