worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
