I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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