are you still at the devil's house?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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