Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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