paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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