I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
