This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize