I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
