I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
