Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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