You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
