is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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