Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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