Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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