doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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