I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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