girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
