I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Can Purell be used as lube?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
