Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
