I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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