my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
