Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
