Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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