this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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