so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
