if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
