Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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