I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
