sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
