True but thats because hes a fetus.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I love you.
Bad choice
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
