I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
