GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
