Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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