anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
