There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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