I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
