how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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