She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
