omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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