I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
