You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
