I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
