I'm pants shitting drunk right now
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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