Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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