Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we're so committed to being not committed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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