The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
