I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
