I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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