It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
