so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
