I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
