She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
