dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
