wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
