I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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