dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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