Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
