you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize