He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
