Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
