my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
