I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
