Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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