Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
