yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
